mardi, octobre 25, 2005
G scored tickets to the Al Gore lecture on global warming last night. I was so excited to get to go. I rearranged my schedule, but then the guilt of it nagged me all night. It was a once in a lifetime event, so why did I feel bad? I suppose it is because I had two midterms today. However, I had studied all week and I studied all morning today. I am sure it had an effect on the evening. I was pretty quiet as well as a little snappish. G is a trooper and didn't believe me when I said nothing was wrong, but didn't push me either. If he had, I wouldn't have known what to tell him. I was very happy that he was here with me. I was so glad to just be there, to touch him now and then. He didn't need to entertain me or anything in particular. I just find his presence soothing. How girly is that? But then, I feel guilty for not being the good hostess. Does he like to just be around me the way I enjoy being with him? Who knows? Does all this thinking put me into the psycho chick realm? Kurt Vonnegut's uncle was right... we don't notice when we are happy. I was certainly happy last night, why couldn't I show it?
at 3:51 PM
dimanche, octobre 09, 2005
Wow, as usual, it's been a while since I posted. Many, many, many things have happened.
- Classes seemed a bit overwhelming in the beginning, but I think I am getting a handle on it.
- I met a man and for the past two weeks have had a wonderful time getting to know him. (We have actually been talking much longer than that, but things seemed to have really accelerated this past week.) It's strange. I really wasn't expecting anything to happen. I thought my life was too busy. However, it's true... you find the time when you want to see someone. What is different? He's his own person... he is compassionate... he can laugh at himself. Either I will date this man for a long long time or I will end up with another friend for life. Both ways... I win.
- I have joined two honor societies at school. One is purely based on my GPA and doesn't seem to really do much aside from about 4 or 5 meetings a semester. The other is a political science honor society.
- Today I am finding my serenity again for the first time since the summer. I am truely grateful.
- I found out some information that explains a great deal about my family. You know, keeping things from people with the intent of protecting them really doesn't work. First, eventually they will find out and feel betrayed. Secondly, the person keeping the secret is still affected by it and acts in ways incongruent with the life they are trying to construct for the "protection" of the child. I am glad to know... but it just reinforces the fact that there are people in my life who could certainly benefit from therapy. (then again, who couldn't?)
- G let me try on his bass guitar. I really want to learn how to play it. I kind of always have wanted to ... ever since I sang in a band when I first moved up here... well... even back when I used to go to Steve's band rehearsals.
These are things that I want to make time to do:
- Work out each day at Curves
- Practice piano
- Take voice lessons
- Volunteer/service (this can be done through my organizations at school)
- Learn to meditate
- Read more than just assigned texts
- Spend time with G
- Actually watch a DVD now and then
- Go to karaoke with Jill and Kevin
- Spend some time with Forrest, Christian, Darren, Jill and Stacy
- Visit my Dad
- Visit my Mom
- Hang out with Bubba
- Call my sister more often
- Write more in French. I really enjoyed my little experience writing a french fable, as much as I whined about it. I wish I could get fluent enough that I could write creatively in French. Then again, I wish I had the guts to write creatively in English. I know I have the talent. God knows I have the vocabulary... so why am I such a coward? I suppose it's so personal... this from the girl who broadcasts her life on the internet!
at 11:24 PM