Mardi

262
Breakfast: BEC Biscuit, Hashbrowns

So yesterday I went on my walk with Stacy at County Farm Park, which was very nice. I am very fortunate to have such a tenacious friend who helps to dislodge me from my mundane, sedentary existence. She suggested that I start going to trivia with her husband, Dave, on Monday nights, so I rearranged some things and am going to make that happen. It should be fun.

Tonight after work I am running out to Mason to pick up Michael. He is staying with me until Sunday night. We should have a good time. Nothing makes you feel better than hanging out with someone who just loves you for being you. (Aunt Teresa is my favorite persona!)

I talked to Jill for a while last night as well. Again, I am really lucky to have her as a friend. We have been through so much in these last 6 years. I have seen her grow and go through some life altering events. She has helped me through the same. I just wish we could both be in Jazzercise together again!! I need to find a copy of Ave Maria so that I can sing it at her wedding. I am sure it will be beautiful. I love that she asked me to sing. It will be the first time that someone has asked me to do something like that even though for all these years people always said I sing well. Leave it to Jill to have the confidence in me that others (including myself) do not.

My assignment this week is to write letters to my sister, Mom and Stepfather, saying exactly what I'd like to get off my chest even though they will never see the letters. It is similar to the "making amends" exercise I did while in OA. However, it is not me saying I am sorry, but rather expressing the anger and bad sentiment I carry around for my family. I suppose if I get it all out, I can maybe let it go. We will see.

Also, I am supposed to think of ways that I can start to like myself. This is really really hard. I don't like myself at all and just deciding to doesn't seem to do the trick. The little first steps are to compliment myself once each day, so here goes: I am a great teacher. I can explain anything in a way that someone else can understand it whether they have experience in the topic or not.

That wasn't too hard. :) However, my teaching ability isn't anything I have doubts about. We will see if I can regain confidence in other facets of my life.

This used to work, lets try it again

264
Breakfast - 1 Activa yogurt, pineapple
Lunch - BLT, Salt and Vinegar chips

So, long time no blog. A great deal changes in 2 years. I obviously gained about 40 pounds. I spent a school year in France. I almost never exercise. I binge from time to time. I have become an out and proud atheist. College is almost over. Only 2 more semesters left. Most of this stuff ends up on my website, which explains why the blog isn't up to date.

However, I think I would like to start blogging again. It was a good way to get out some stream of consciousness rambling, which may have helped me in the past.

I am still seeing the same guy who took me to see Al Gore speak about the time I stopped posting here before.

I am planning to go to graduate school after I finish my BA. Where? I haven't decided yet. I am currently studying for the GRE in preparation to send in my applications.

Regardless... nice to see you again, blog. I promise to come back soon.

The former future president of the United States

G scored tickets to the Al Gore lecture on global warming last night. I was so excited to get to go. I rearranged my schedule, but then the guilt of it nagged me all night. It was a once in a lifetime event, so why did I feel bad? I suppose it is because I had two midterms today. However, I had studied all week and I studied all morning today. I am sure it had an effect on the evening. I was pretty quiet as well as a little snappish. G is a trooper and didn't believe me when I said nothing was wrong, but didn't push me either. If he had, I wouldn't have known what to tell him. I was very happy that he was here with me. I was so glad to just be there, to touch him now and then. He didn't need to entertain me or anything in particular. I just find his presence soothing. How girly is that? But then, I feel guilty for not being the good hostess. Does he like to just be around me the way I enjoy being with him? Who knows? Does all this thinking put me into the psycho chick realm? Kurt Vonnegut's uncle was right... we don't notice when we are happy. I was certainly happy last night, why couldn't I show it?

Teresa Update, October 2005

Wow, as usual, it's been a while since I posted. Many, many, many things have happened.

1. Classes seemed a bit overwhelming in the beginning, but I think I am getting a handle on it.
2. I met a man and for the past two weeks have had a wonderful time getting to know him. (We have actually been talking much longer than that, but things seemed to have really accelerated this past week.) It's strange. I really wasn't expecting anything to happen. I thought my life was too busy. However, it's true... you find the time when you want to see someone. What is different? He's his own person... he is compassionate... he can laugh at himself. Either I will date this man for a long long time or I will end up with another friend for life. Both ways... I win.
3. I have joined two honor societies at school. One is purely based on my GPA and doesn't seem to really do much aside from about 4 or 5 meetings a semester. The other is a political science honor society.
4. Today I am finding my serenity again for the first time since the summer. I am truely grateful.
5. I found out some information that explains a great deal about my family. You know, keeping things from people with the intent of protecting them really doesn't work. First, eventually they will find out and feel betrayed. Secondly, the person keeping the secret is still affected by it and acts in ways incongruent with the life they are trying to construct for the "protection" of the child. I am glad to know... but it just reinforces the fact that there are people in my life who could certainly benefit from therapy. (then again, who couldn't?)
6. G let me try on his bass guitar. I really want to learn how to play it. I kind of always have wanted to ... ever since I sang in a band when I first moved up here... well... even back when I used to go to Steve's band rehearsals.

These are things that I want to make time to do:

1. Work out each day at Curves
2. Practice piano
3. Take voice lessons
4. Volunteer/service (this can be done through my organizations at school)
5. Learn to meditate
6. Read more than just assigned texts
7. Spend time with G
8. Actually watch a DVD now and then
9. Go to karaoke with Jill and Kevin
10. Spend some time with Forrest, Christian, Darren, Jill and Stacy
11. Visit my Dad
12. Visit my Mom
13. Hang out with Bubba
14. Call my sister more often
15. Write more in French. I really enjoyed my little experience writing a french fable, as much as I whined about it. I wish I could get fluent enough that I could write creatively in French. Then again, I wish I had the guts to write creatively in English. I know I have the talent. God knows I have the vocabulary... so why am I such a coward? I suppose it's so personal... this from the girl who broadcasts her life on the internet!

Naughty Girl

I deserve to be punished... really I do... I haven't posted to this blog in nearly a month. That doesn't mean that nothing has happened.... certainly many things have.

I've dipped my big toe in the icy waters of the dating pool... and brr. You know... I am just feeling that way because I had a cruddy date yesterday. He asked me if I would write about him on this blog... and you know... this is all the acknowledgement he deserves. There's a thing called "tact." and I will leave it at that.

I finished summer semester, hooray for the big B+.

Classes start on the 7th. I will be taking the following courses:

Campaigns and Elections
PLSC-357-0
Political Science
Eric S Kos eric.kos@emich.edu

Democracy and Power
PLSC-420-0
Political Science
Eric S Kos eric.kos@emich.edu

French Composition
FRNH-343-0
Foreign Lang/Bicult Studies
Genevieve Marie Peden gpeden@emich.edu

Survey French Literature
FRNH-341-0
Foreign Lang/Bicult Studies
John Sanford Dugan jdugan@emich.edu


Also, I started working part time taking care of the Elderly for a company called Home Instead and for FedEx as a package handler.

Thankfully, the elderly care is ending next week. However, I will be a tutor at Eastern in English and French! Cool, eh?

OK.. that's the skinny on the fatty...later.

When it rains it pours

Breakfast - Life Cereal Lunch - Salad
I have been interviewing and sending out resumes since the day I moved here to Ypsilanti. Today I went on an interview for an admin asst. position in the technology dept at EMU. They practically offered me the job... however... I got a call from FedEx today with an offer for THAT job, which of course, I took. So... I today I had to call the Senior Care company I've been working for and let them know that I can only work on the weekends. Also, I had to send emails to all the other places that I had interviews scheduled with to let them know that I am no longer available. Pray for me that this all works out and that I make the right choices!

Oh... look, I have a Blog

Breakfast - Life Cereal Lunch - Salad Dinner - Cubed Steak and Corn

I've been catching up on sleep since I did that server install. I'll try to get better at posting here!