I usually get compliments for my headlights...

226
Breakfast - Bagel and yogurt
Lunch - Sandwich

Dinner - Sesame Chicken and Turtle Cheesecake

Last night on the way home from work, people kept flashing their headlights at me. I pulled over and sure enough, my passenger-side headlight was out. Today, Christian is going to help me fix it. Poor Christian lost his job yesterday. On one hand, that is good because he hated that job, on the other... well you already know what's on the other.

There's really nothing interesting to post yet today, aside from the fact that I was late getting to school due to construction and due to my own slowness this morning.

General Funk-Ass Malaise

228 (after being 225 just Monday!)
Breakfast: Meijer Non Fat Yogurt, 110 calories
Lunch: Med Ice Cream from Cold Stone - Coconut Creme Pie
Dinner: Sandwich, Baked Doritos

I have been just BLAH the past 2-3 weeks. I hope the change in my school program helps, but it's been evident in my eating patterns that there has been something wrong with me. In short... I have gone off program. So, I've lost my abstinence. It wasn't really a binge so to speak... but I have not been following my program, so that makes me "off the wagon." As of today, I am trying to crawl back on. Therefore... here's today's food diary entry (which magically were not part of my past posts... hmmm???? Coincidence?)

I have to find a way to get back into the OA meetings. I keep saying I will go to online meetings, but that just hasn't happened. There is counseling here at school. Maybe I can get a standing appointment there. At least then I have to be accountable.

I can tell I'm coming off a sort of binge. My head is woozy. I am hungry. I feel like general crap. I want things like ice cream and salt & vinegar potato chips. Maybe I am pregnant. Oh wait.. that requires sex. Well then.. I am not pregnant... that plus I am just finishing my period. Yeah - I know - TMI.

Choir is cancelled today. Thank Goodness. I have a million errands to run. Tomorrow night is Maya Angelou with Marilyn.. YAY!

I feel like hibernating. It's so cold today! I need to get more sleep and I need to practice piano... it never ends! :)

Vive La France

I have officially sent in the request to change my major from Music Education to French Teaching. I spoke with my advisors and teachers, as well as Betty (my landlady - who is a teacher). I have been miserable these last couple of weeks. I am not loving my music classes as I should. Digging into the music is taking the beauty and emotion out of it for me. When have I been happy? When I have been in my French classes. Anyway... I am happy about the choice I made and I should actually get done with school within a decent amount of time now.

Yesterday, I got a very cool package from my Aunt Liz in Arizona. She sent me a bunch of pictures from when I was growing up. There were pictures of Steve, of Phil, even of Kenny. There were many from my girl scout adventures. I used to be pretty cute. ;) I will have to post some of them sometime.

The fucking dress, the flowers, and all that shit

I want it... not just the ceremony, but IT. I want to be married and have kids and the whole thing that my brain tells me I shouldn't want.

Yes.. I want the dress with the big ass skirt... I want to starve myself for a year just for this because I want to look BEE-FUCKING-YOU-TEA-FULL even if it is in the manner of the day and according to society, blah, blah, blah. More than a chance to wear a dress and have a big ass party where I get to see all the people I love at the same time... I want to feel strongly enough about another person to do this. I want to love someone, damn it... and I want them to love me back for all the great things that I am. Why is it so fucking complicated?

I want to have children.. I want to love them even when they hate me for making them do all the shit I hated doing as a kid.


I am 31 years old ... and everyone feels compelled to tell me that I am still young, yet. I think they do it so quickly because that's the OPPOSITE of what they really think.

That Ashley Girl

That Ashley Girl

This site was cracking me up today... Ashley, please ALWAYS use condoms :)

Sentimental Journey

For some reason, today, I am feeling nostalgic about the time I spent in Georgia (age 3 to 23). I think I am missing Steve, my one true love. :) Really... he was the one. I've never felt such a sincere connection with anyone else again in my life. What a shame that I had that at age 18-23, when I didn't know anything. I hate that I've never felt that way again.

Anyway.. that is depressing as hell... these are the things I love(d) or miss about Georgia:

• Red Georgia Clay
• Green Trees ALL YEAR LONG
• Augusta GreenJackets baseball
• Orchestra every Saturday morning
• Building things out of scrap lumber at my Dad's house
• Learning how to play football in the Cain's front yard
• Watching Steve play ping pong with Larry at the Student Center
• Working at the Haunted House for Sociology Club
• Spending hours in Book-A-Million with Steve, together, even though we were in different parts of the store.
• Waffle House in the wee hours of the morning after St. Patrick's Day
• Lunches at Joe's Underground / Live Music there on the weekends with Keith Gregory
• Singing at the ballpark after the games, just a guitar and piles of leftover, bready Pizza Hut
• Trips to Athens to buy old books
• Lakewood Ampitheatre - Iron Maiden - Queensryche - Van Halen
• The Fox Theatre in Atlanta - Cats - Les Miserables - Phantom of the Opera
• Auditioning for All State Chorus at UGA
• Wearing my jeans backwards in 6th grade during honors assembly
• Mr. Savory - 8th grade, playing "CANS" after school - the videos for Earth Science
• Thanksgiving Eves on the RiverWalk with Brian speaking French
• Learning to drive Matt's Mustang at Clark Hill
• Clark Hill in general (first place Steve and I ... you know)
• Long talks at the beer stand after baseball games
• Playing pool with Jody and Steve
• Playing chess with Jody and Steve
• Savannah
• Calverts
• My first job at the movie theatre
• Decorating cakes at Baskin Robbins
• Holding hands with Mike French at My Fair Lady - senior year
• Season Tickets to Opera/Ballet with Steve
• Camping with Scott
• Going to all the Minor League games across the South
• Steve as the Easter Bunny, Sting and the Augusta College Jaguar
• Riding bikes in Hephzibah
• Kyoto

I know I can't live in the past... but it feels so much more real than my present. School is going pretty roughly. My schedule is incredibly hectic. It would all be so much easier to take if there were some hugs thrown in now and then. I am tired of being self reliant and not needing anyone. I know that now isn't the time to start a relationship, as I am still changing and growing... but that doesn't mean I don't sincerely miss it... and especially him.

Ebony and Ivory

226
Breakfast - PopTarts Lunch - Sandwich and Doritos

This weekend is "cram all my schoolwork into my brain" weekend. Since I moved from one section of Music Theory and Aural Skills to another, I have to do all the assignments that class has done since the beginning of school. The weird thing is, they didn't do the same exercises we did.... so I have a great deal of work to do. I am having a hard time with almost all of it, since it's all so brand new. Some things are starting to click while others are just hanging out in the atmosphere taunting me. Most are things that I need to memorize like key signatures and scales. Just a word of advice to anyone taking Music Theory, etc... who's primary instrument isn't piano.... Take Some Lessons! You have to be intimately aware of the piano keys. There are a zillion different kinds of scales. Depending on where you start and the form of the scale, there are so many different ways a scale can be played. (And you thought a scale went straight up and down.. HAH!)

Here are the main forms of scales:
Major Scale
Whole Step/Whole Step/Half Step/Whole Step/Whole Step/Whole Step/Half Step

Sounds easy enough, right? If you know which keys are next to which ones in the first place, sure it is


Here's a picture of piano keys - each white key is a note, so with this group, we start on C, then D, then E, F, G, A, B, C, .... A whole step is going from a note like C to D, because to take a half step would mean pressing the black key between them. Easy, right? Now... Look at the E and the F... there's no black key between them, they are RIGHT NEXT TO EACH OTHER, and thus... a HALF STEP apart. So, on a C scale, you can still get your half steps in without pressing any black keys. But, what if you wanted to start on D instead? To make the same pattern, you press D, E, F#(black key), G, (whole whole half - see?) and then A, B, C#, D (The black key after C makes the "half" of "whole, whole, whole, half").

By moving over ONE key, we had to accomodate the shift in half steps by using 2 black keys.

Similiar variations appear depending on the key where you start. It doesn't make my brain hurt to know this, but just as I was getting comfortable with the fact I that I would have to memorize these scales, I realize that you can start on the black keys as well, making a scale from there, doubling the amount of stuff to hold in my noggin. Still not too bad....

Minor Scale
Now that's tricky... there's more than one form of minor scale!
Natural Minor Scale
Whole Step/Half Step/Whole Step/Whole Step/Half Step/Whole Step/Whole Step

Harmonic Minor Scale
Whole Step/Half Step/Whole Step/Whole Step/Half Step/Step and a Half/Whole Step

Melodic Minor Scale
Whole Step/Half Step/Whole Step/Whole Step/Whole Step/Whole Step/Half Step

Can you see why this might be a little overwhelming? This is just the tiniest part of the things I am cramming into my head at the moment. Don't let me get started on notation, meter, Scale Degrees, etc....

On the bright side, I am so excited that I am finally learning about all these things I've heard all my life, but didn't know what or WHY they were. Oh My Gosh... I am turning into a musician... I am so amazed.